Two glasses of Jack and Coke and I’m feeling it. I realize I didn’t eat much the whole day and these two glasses might get me into trouble.
I’m at the company holiday party and I’m determined not to be “that one person who gets totally wasted.” I look around for someone and see Chris. She beckons me over and instructs me to head up to the Fortune Teller’s upstairs.
“Fortune tellers?” I ask.
Apparently every year at the holiday party we have 3 or 4 fortune tellers, for the associates to ask about the up coming year, what to be prepared for, what to expect and what to look forward to.
A perfect escape/ place to clear my head. It’s much quieter on the 3rd floor at The Artists for Humanity. There are plenty of tables and the buffet is being set up. There are 4 tables in the far corner of the room adorned with tarrot cards and a rather regular looking woman per table. I see a line of people gathered; awaiting their turn to find out their future.
I make small talk with some co-workers while I wait in line. Betty tells us how the fortune teller predicted her benign cancer and how supportive the company will be. She is a believer. All of a sudden I’m afraid. Do I want to know??
Two people ahead of me. My heart pounds. Is it the alchohol or true nerves? I know exactly what I’m afraid of finding out. I never asked an astrologer about him. I’ve wondered for years the purpose of him in my life.. (And the purpose of me in his…) That’s the burning question in my mind, but I think to myself, “I’m not going to ask.” I’m afraid of the answer.
Suddenly I’m freed from my fears- the raffle has begun downstairs. I ran out of the room, feeling steadier and my mind clearer. My heart steadies to a gallop as I rush down the stairs towards the roar of applause and good times.
I didn’t win. It’s ok. I felt so excited for the ones who did. People preach empathy as a virtue, a good habit. Empathy is awesome because even when you’re not the one winning you can feel the height of excitement. Then its dinner time.
Against my better judgement I head to the bar.
“Why not another Jack and Coke?”Says the wild animal in me.
” Why not?” I answer.
My last drink ticket gone I hob nob with the random familiar faces. After serving a plate I head up to the 3rd floor again.
When I sit at the table I notice there is no line for the Fortune Tellers. Suddenly I decide I’m going to go. As the lady in the far left free’s up I head over. As I sit down she takes my hand and asks, “Did you just get a divorce?”
“No… I broke up with my boyfriend.”
“Was it marriage?”
“Kind of… We were planning to move in together.”
Suddenly she gets right in my face..
“Stop talking to him!!!!! Stop stirring the pot. Stop trying to figure it out. Go inside yourself and just be within you. Focus on you. Don’t think about what he’s going to be to you. It will all work out how its supposed to. But you need to stop stirring the pot.”
So it went.
She told me in general I should stop trying to figure things out. She said the answers I’m looking for are at the bottom of a well. With all the questioning and searching I’ve muddied the bottom… But if I were to let the sand settle I would be able to see clearly to the bottom and pick them up with no fuss.
If someone asks me a question I’m to tell them to ask me again in February.
I should work on bringing Ravi over because I will thrive when surrounded by people I love.
I should stick to the job I have and when the right opportunity comes along I will jump at it and I will know without a doubt.
I should invest in anything I’m planning to because the value will only increase.
I will never want for money.
I will meet someone through a friend or family member. I will hesitate to tell people about it. He will be wealthy.
“But then what about him?” I thought to myself. I guess its trully not meant to be. I realized in that moment that the whole universe is telling me its over. Even my heart knows it. And yet I hold on to that warm happy feeling.
I went home that night and called him. I told him what the Fortune Teller said. But even as I talked to him I realized we’re just friends. It’s never going to be anything more. But more importantly I realized I was ok with it. I was ok with being just friends with him because the essense of what we were is still alive and its friendship.
In the year that comes we shall see how accurate this fortune teller was… We’ll see everything come to light.