It’s been an interesting couple of months. And it really has been a couple of months since I have had a moment to put a thought on paper. I’m so used to writing about emotions, and yet I struggle to write about career. And these days its career that is really in flux in my life.
I’ve done a lot of growing in the past couple of weeks, a lot of learning about myself, and learning about being an adult. I’ve had conversations with a variety of people that served, if nothing else, to remind me that I am a kid. I have just one year of work experience versus the lifetime of experience of my coworkers and teammates. Life has been easy so far, but that’s not normal. Life is supposed to be tough, it’s supposed to demand every ounce of your energy, and every infinitesimal bit of your attention.
By life, of course I mean “that thing that you decide to do with your life;” that career, that job, that nine-to-five, that occupation that gets you through each day into the next.
Sometimes I’m so good at mimicking maturity that I fool myself into believing that I’m more mature than I am. I fool others too. The first lesson I had to learn as an adult- Sometimes you have to do stuff you don’t enjoy, and you have to do them well in order to do a good job.
The second thing- if there is a perception of you the only thing you can do to foil it is prove people wrong. Bust your ass, and be the best at what you’re doing.
I didn’t realize that my lack of enthusiasm could translate into lack of commitment. But that is in fact what happened, and it was a lesson that I learned the hard way. The hard way being getting a not perfect evaluation.
I hold myself to high standards. I don’t consider myself competitive, but I always aim to beat my goals not just reach them. That being said, I wouldn’t ever step on the next person to get ahead, but I would expect of myself to achieve 10 points ahead of the goal set before me by my leaders, my company.
I found that I wasn’t challenged or excited by the goals set for me by my position, and that caused the lack of enthusiasm, which caused the lack of attention, which caused the mistakes, which caused the impression that I am not committed.
I own that.
One and done- is my policy on mistakes.
“Reach for the stars, so you may land on the moon (but not really because I want to land on the stars)”- is my policy on my goals/standards.
And so with these lessons under my belt I began a new position, a challenging, terrifyingly difficult, but magically perfect job of my dreams. I sorted through the above mistakes, I met with many many people, asked for advice and got it in the bucketful. I changed some of my behaviours and adopted others. I searched for the most productive version of myself and
….I became her.