Slowly, like the light of dawn that invisibly creeps across the morning… ever so slowly my mind has been reaching this realization. I don’t want to sound presumptuous. I’m 25 years old, what do i know about life? I just want to share the little lessons I’ve learned, and hope that may be somewhere, someone is finding some wisdom in my wandering mind and words.
Day after day, week after week, month after month people struggle against life’s eventualities. We’re taught by society to “fight” because there is honour and pride and righteousness in fighting. But why? Why must we struggle our whole lives for a “perfection” that isn’t realistic? Why must we meet standards set by society? Why must we fit into these categories? And if we don’t then we’re doing something wrong?
For instance, if we fall in love and societies norms, rules, laws, family, religion, economic status, time, distance or anything gets in the way of that love, what happens? We get caught up in romantic notions like star-crossed lovers, eternal love, underdogs winning out, or “Us against the world” But in reality its just not meant to be and fight as we might life will follow the path set out and we will get depressed, defeated and give up.
Ironically, we might fight, and say we win- we still don’t end up with the happiness we were after- the fulfillment we’re meant to feel upon “winning.” They never tell the story of what might have happened if Romeo and Juliet did end up together. How Juliet got pregnant, got fat, and had 3 children, and Romeo (tired of Juliet’s nagging and sagging breasts) left her with the kids and went looking for another young Juliet to stoke the fire in his loins.
That being said some people fight, and “win.“
I’m not sure what that means. Only that it happens too rarely and too randomly to fit into any statistical significance. It’s also so disheartening to see people whose love life seem perfect, because it just serves to reinforce how improbable that reality is for every other unfortunate soul in the universe. (More importantly, no one has a perfect love, they are just better at hiding the cracks, or filling them.)
I have a few friends who are on the tightrope of relationships these days. They complain that there aren’t any good guys out there. Then they meet someone and compare them to their unrealistic expectations (because they were told they deserve a certain kind of perfection from their man). When the man doesn’t live up to these standards they wonder why he can’t be the man they “deserve?” Instead of seeing the faults for what they are, expecting the mistakes for humanity, and accepting the person, they hold these men to an unrealistic standard and continue to bitch about how there are no good men out there. (Have you looked at yourself recently? Why don’t you take what you get, or just quit bitching?) **Also- this isn’t necessarily unique to heterosexual relationships.
These women meet someone but are so stuck in their own ways, that it is their own inflexibility that gets in the way of a good, happy, healthy relationship. This brings me to point number 2. Compromise.
Being flexible, bowing to the wind of change is considered weakness. We love on the high-energy, low- tolerant force of pride. But people! Being flexible, compromise, isn’t a sign of weakness, its a just strength of character. If you can compromise with a fellow human being without losing sight of who you are and what you believe then you will be dominant without being dominating. Dominance isn’t strength. Persistence, perseverance: that is true strength.
Dating is another place where endless energy is spent unnecessarily. Why do we strive to hide our true selves, impress and struggle in a battle of wills ? Why do we fight the urge to call someone back immediately, or wait a day to reply a message? Not because you’re busy but because you don’t want to look desperate? Why not try honesty? Open yourself for rejection because its much faster than this “game” we play that would ultimately end in the same inevitability?
I don’t have secrets. I’m not wounded or damaged. I’m not mysterious. I’m me. The way you see me. My thoughts and feelings, my dreams and goals are an open book of humanity. Why would I play a game of hiding my flaws, my reality when that is exactly what I want someone to want me for?
I don’t wait a day to reply messages, I don’t wait for someone else to message me first. If I want your company I will ask for it. If I enjoy your attention I will tell you. I’ll say how I feel, open myself up to rejection because I would rather know the truth than spend energy fighting for something that clearly isn’t meant to be,
The thing is life is short. If I spend the next 2 years regretting the relationship that brought me so much happiness in the last 5 years what a waste of my time! I’d much rather revel in the memories and the happiness I had and look forward to what’s next.
So something doesn’t work out. Your heart is broken, your trust is damaged. Would you really deny yourself the opportunity for happiness, for trust with another person because you’re holding on to the pain someone else caused you?
Why do people say they don’t trust anymore because one person broke their heart? Why can’t we accept that everything has an expiry date (even life) and enjoy every moment instead of being miserable?
My heart was broken… really broken. All those cliches; lies, infidelity, being someone’s second choice. Those things happened to me. I was sad. I cried. But then in the middle of one of those trash the room, rip the pictures tantrums I looked at myself and started laughing. What the hell is this?? I’m not this girl. I’m sunshine. One bad experience isn’t going to change me. I’m going to trust, and laugh and love and be myself because thats true victory.
Let go of anger… let go of regret… sorrow.. longing… what for? For something thats passed you by? That’s like hating the book because your favourite character died in the previous chapter.. will you stop reading?? No keep reading… find out what’s next…
People take life and themselves way too seriously. Shit happens. Don’t worry you’re gonna die and no one will remember that one mistake you made… Give it a few years and no one will remember you at all.
Not wanting to end on such a morbid note, I want to say this realization has brought such a permanent sense of calm and peace to my soul. The everyday struggles of people don’t apply to me at the same level. because when i’m on the cusp of anger, outrage, depression, i just smile and remember, none of it matters. We best spend our time nurturing our mind, balming our soul and enhancing our spirituality, because that is more permanent impact on our life and lives hence forth.
I apologize if this seems a little all over the place- hope you get some idea of what i’m trying to convey! In a simple statement- life is simple. When i am on the verge of getting aggravated i try to zoom out of my life to see just how small i trully am in the grand scale of the universe. Humility is the best medicine for stress.