This isn’t a depressing post or a sad moment. It’s just a moment of contemplation, a sombre moment when I look at my life and say “This is my life. I’m Happy.”
The new year dawns for me with a missed flight, added cost for a new ticket and a fleeting sorrow that I’m not already on my way home ( to Sri Lanka.) I will be leaving a day later- no big deal!
Somehow I was ok with being on a plane for new years eve, but now I’m back home curled up in my tub because it’s the warmest place in the house, smoking cigarettes and listening to Gin Wigmore sing my life away.
It’s depressing as fuck, but I also am not in the mood for people. Apparently I needed this quiet contemplation of a New Years- the universe tends to give me what I need even when I don’t know its what i need.
I’m thinking about the year that went by, how it was mostly fun, but just like a cigarette; it’s nice while it lasts but when it’s over, all you’re left with is ashes. Ashes and a rejuvenating head high… the best part!
2015 was a revolutionary year. A year when I started to find myself and experiment with who I want to be. I don’t regret a single moment, a single decision, a single mind boggling, heart racing, life affirming second. It was ALL brilliant!
All I have left of 2015 is ashes. Ashes of good times had, 0 fucks given; ashes of burning romances that ended in puffs of smoke; ashes of powerful connections that faded out fast. Ashes of ignoring the rules, willfully breaking the rules, acting on impulses, rolling the dice… but all that’s left with me are fond memories like ashes that will fade into posterity like all other years and all other memories.
So here’s for a 2016 of more substance. Something I can hold on to, something I can count on. Here’s to wanting more than a flash in the pan. Here’s to loving all the risks and deciding to take more. Here’s to settling for nothing, and placing demand on the universe to live up to my life of technicolours and surround sound; because I’ve found there is no better way to live my life than this!
I don’t know where everyone else is in their story. So, instead of wishing you a generic happiness, or blind joy, or nonspecific success my wish for you, the world, is that your next chapter move you along in your story. That a greatness in you is unfolded and you discover new and magical things about yourself. That you make so many mistakes, and learn from them. That you take that step, that risk and fly…