Dreaming on Credit

It took less than an hour since I sat down at my desk after a 2-week vacation, for my life to be upheaved again. When I walked into the office I felt quite distinctly like I had been gone for a considerable amount of time. Not 2 weeks, no, felt more like 7 years. I had forgotten the smell, the ebb and flow of people and emails. But less than 30 minutes this feeling lasted.

When I walked out of my boss’ office, I knew I had given her the right answer.

“It’s not a No, but I need a little time to process.”

I picked up my phone and walked into an empty office. Proceeded to call my best friends and the phone call culminated an hour later with one to my dearest Ma. By the end of it, I knew that the answer was yes.

So on January 19th, with not much fanfare or event I began this new career. Over the last few weeks, I’ve grown into this position. In the beginning I had days of not knowing if I could do this. Some days I would come home, and scrunch my face as I fell into fitful sleep thinking, “I can’t do this.” Other days I came home, light as a feather having completed a task, a conversation fruitfully with a little bounce in my step “I can do this.”

It was a severe case of “he loves me, he loves me not” except in this case my lover is but a new role, a new position in my company.

Talk about a challenge. It is a monstrous task, with mistakes, and issues and problems galore. Plug 3 holes, and 5 more open up. It is an enormous undertaking, the task of improving the excellence of these trips, delivering a strong tour, supporting a team of Program directors; not just supporting but managing. On top of everything else potentially launching 2 new trips in 2017.

I can go into more detail, be more specific about my job, but that’s not what I’m writing here. Specifics and facts are hardly ever the stuff of my blog. More vague-arities, superfluous emotions and lofty imagination.

As I mentioned before I went through a period of ups and downs, not sure if I’d made the right decision. But as time passed there were more days of “this is right” and one night, like the fog lifting, a clear path to the future.

This new role is empowering, I feel like a true leader, with clear responsibilities and direct impact in my region. It is helping me grow as a leader, put into practice my leadership skills, and test out others. It is teaching me my voice as a manager, what my style is, and how I will support my people. And more than anything, gaining these skills and learning these other aspects of the business (contracting, cost of goods, pricing) is strengthening my resume, and my future prospects.

I am incredibly loyal to this company. They could change my role, once every 6 months, and it wouldn’t faze me because:

1. I love change.
2. My number one goal is the success of the company; and I can contribute to that from wherever they put me.

Let me clarify one thing: being loyal isn’t the same as being attached.

This opportunity has done all of the above, but most of all it has opened my mind to a future that I’ve always dreamed of. A job where I can take my skills and apply them anywhere in the world. Skills that make me a marketable resource, and open up my horizons beyond this city.

Particularly it has made me consider a future in Sri Lanka. This past vacation planted a seed of settling down on the island eventually.I thought about having my children grow up with the same values, and giving them the same childhood I had. Being closer to my friends, building a life surrounded by their love.  I wondered about investing in real estate, which is a commitment to a place I’ve never felt comfortable making before. But of all the places I have worked and traveled, Sri Lanka has been a constant; and I’m convinced it always will be.  Finally I feel like I’m gaining skills that could help me build a future there.

These wisps of ideas, imaginations and dreams are built on nary but the high emotions of this new role. Lofty dreams are one thing I’m more than capable of and this time I’m dreaming on credit. I have a long distance to go before I earn these dreams, and by that time they could be completely different.

When you live with the certainty that nothing lasts forever, it helps you to value the things that last the longest, and let go of the things that don’t. I’m Dreaming on Credit, but what dreams will I actually earn? Only time will tell.




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