I tap a few words into my phone and send them off. It’s nothing much, just a little appreciation. I thank him for being there and for listening.
It calms the storm in my chest a little..
2:43am wide awake.
Work is at the height of insanity right now. It’s high season, things are not looking good, projections are poor. Tours are falling apart, and the little things are affecting our results. The little things that one hopes can be overlooked. I get overwhelmed at times by the little things until i stop and remember… it’s not about the little things… it’s about the people. It’s always about the people. Make the big decisions about the people, and the little things will fall into place.
::breath:: no sign of sleep.
Speaking of people, and things falling into place, I lost someone. A friend. Someone who had earned a permanent place in my life. He walked right out. I guess it’s just another example that no one, and nothing is permanent. Time brings an end to all things, and even people (read “the big things”) don’t last forever.
Can’t say it’s been easy, accepting the end of a friendship. A connection that had shaped so much of the last 10 years of my life, so much history shared, and so easily left behind.
I haven’t had time to absorb, been so busy. After he said goodbye, I hung up, deleted his number, and I just went on with my phone calls across the continent solving problems, smoothing vendor relations, signing contracts.
On a sleepless night like this, when things are nuts I might have called, reached out to vent. The way we lean on our friends… I have other friends now, the ones who choose to stay, who want to be.
2:59am. Breathing is a little easier now.
The alarm will sound in 2.5hrs. Another day will start and it will feel like this one didn’t end. My day hasn’t ended in about 6weeks.
The end is NOT in sight.
But oh.. what a thrill! A roller-coaster of tension, and small wins. Experience gained by the bulldozer. Honestly, I feel like after this season, I will be able to tackle ANYTHING. It’s empowering. Please hear me now, I’m NOT complaining. I love the challenge. Especially love proving to myself that I can do anything. I love working with people. Helping them be the best they can be. Pushing them when they think they can’t do more, do better. I love getting on the phone, and hearing my tough, hardworking, mom come out of my mouth. I love charming my way into tough conversations. I love holding my tongue… waiting… and hearing them agree, because they can’t bear the silence. I love winning.
I’m not winning every day. Right now, I’m the opposite of winning. But the day comes and goes quickly. Tides change. Anything could happen. Correction, I can make anything happen.
Still not sleeping.