It all started with… well, it all started someplace else, but I’m going to skip all the tumult, confusion, discomfort, and just tell you that I eventually decided to move to Bangkok. I’ve been blessed my whole life with a kind of good fortune. Most of the time I feel this “good fortune” as a heavy burden; let’s rename it “privilege” to give that feeling a bit more context. I’m privileged, and the only redeeming factor here, is that I’m aware of the good fortune I was born into; I appreciate it, and never take it for granted.
And so when I finally settled on Bangkok, all the forces in the universe paved the way for me to stay with this company I love working for, and continue the work I love doing, just in a different part of the world. I am grateful beyond words.
Then… it all started with the move; moving out of an apartment, a home I built for 7 years, and moving across the world. I had no idea what I was in for.
August 30th- 2pm (3 days before the new tenants move in)
It’s been a very busy and intense few days. I realise that having my surroundings in chaos really creates a disquiet in my head. But my bedroom thus far has maintained a sense of order which has helped me to sleep and rest at night without a problem.
We are finally making some big strides in turning over the apartment.
The bed is gone, the bookshelves are gone.
I will put out the chest of drawers & couch tomorrow morning.
Then the only furniture remaining is stuff the tenants will keep.
By tonight we will be done packing everyone else… and I can start focusing on my own packing. Deciding whether to ship a box to Bangkok to ease the pressure of taking everything in my luggage? The part you don’t see, but I know is done, is that all the closets, cabinets, cupboards and drawers are empty. It’s a huge win, but not being able to see that progress makes it feel like we aren’t yet half way done.
Just have to take a deep breath sometimes.
This afternoon I had to walk away from Jani… because with just a look she makes me feel like this whole moving thing is this awful injustice I’m doing to her. Like one of those dramatic movie scenes when the teenage daughter screams ” you’re ruining my life.” I feel that weight on my chest. I wonder if I’m being a huge inconvenience to my whole family by following my heart. I know it’s not true… I know they don’t feel that way. But in moments like this, that is how I feel.
11:38pm (the same day)
We hugged and cried together. Then got back to it. In two more nights we will be out of this house; hard to believe. Jani is all packed and sorted, Ravi is all packed and sorted… all the leftover stuff is all packed and sorted…
Tomorrow we pack and sort ME. In bed after a foot massage from nangi and a nice long cold shower. ❤ feeling quiet.