August 31st, 11:17pm (2 days before the new tenants move in)
The new tenants are moving in on Monday…How does my room still look like this???
I have to figure out what I’m bringing to Bangkok in the first round. And then what I’m bringing to Bangkok in the second round. And finally what I’m shipping to Sri Lanka for Ammi/ Malli/ anyone coming to see me will bring to Bangkok. I have to figure out if those are even the correct “rounds.”
I realise that in my relatively mid-length life I have moved across the world at least 6 times. It never felt like this. I was whole-ly unprepared for what it means to move, when you have to empty a home of everything you (plus five others) have accumulated over time. When I started to tell people that I’ve decided to move, everyone said it was crazy, but amazing, because now is the time to move since I have no major ties or responsibilities. Even I believed this. Because it used to be that I will pack what I can into the allotted 2 bags, and be on my way.
I still feel relieved because Ravi is packed away at my aunt’s House. Jani is packed away for college- we drive to Amherst tomorrow. Everyone else’s stuff is packed away to Lanka. So by tomorrow evening, I will only have myself to worry about.
I wonder if I’m using this feeling of worrying about everyone else just to distract myself from thinking about myself… and how I’m feeling. Pretty soon, it will just be me… and I won’t be able to avoid figuring out my own baggage (literally and figuratively.)
My driving force is that I keep thinking about the end… when I walk through a clean and empty house and hand over the keys to the tenants and drive away…. how relieved and happy I will feel.